The Rage Diary Tango
by ICRepresentative
Summary: Nicky's gone crazy, and is belting it CHICAGO STYLE while EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY DESERVE! Inspired by Nerwen and Tinuviel's Brig Block Tango.


**Disclaimer**: I take no responsibility for Nick going psycho. Or CSI's getting killed.

**A/N**: Inspired by the Brig Block Tango, which was written by my two best friends.

* * *

Rage Diary Tango

**GIL**  
Solo  
**CATH**  
Dating  
**RICK**  
Games  
**GREG**  
Uh uh  
**SARA**  
Pepper  
**BRASS**  
Donuts!

**LAB RATS**  
He just went psycho  
He just went psycho!  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it

**SOPHIA**  
I betcha you would'a known he was insane!

**GIL**  
Solo  
**CATH**  
Dating  
**RICK**  
Games  
**GREG**  
Uh uh  
**SARA**  
Pepper  
**BRASS**  
Donuts!

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
You know how people  
think you're not capable  
enough to take care of yourself. Like Grissom.  
Grissom passed me over for assignments.  
I NEVER get solo assignments. So one day he's handing them out,  
And I get really irritated, when  
Grissom gives the solo case to Warrick. Again.  
So when the boss-man goes into  
his office, to admire his bug  
and his foetal animal collection… Yes, his foetal animal collection…  
Gross. Well, I said to him,  
I said, "You'd better give me that solo  
assignment right now..."  
and he didn't.  
So I took my handgun out  
and I fired two warning shots...  
...into his head.

**NICK** (_singing_)  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have heard it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
I met Catherine when I started working  
at Vegas Crime Lab, years ago  
back when I was just a CSI 1  
and we hit it off right away.  
She was such an awesome woman.  
If something when screwy with my love life  
Like my hooker girl getting murdered, she'd sort it out.  
And then I found out,  
The producers wanted us to date.  
Me and Catherine?  
Providing character moments on the show?  
...oh, no, not with that brat of a daughter  
And that crack-whore of an ex. So one  
night, when she came to work, I fixed her  
her coffee as usual.  
You know, some girls just can't hold  
their arsenic.

**NICK** (_singing_)  
She had it coming  
She had it coming  
She might have been pretty  
In her prime  
But then the producers started  
That evil rumour!  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
Now, I'm best friends with Warrick  
don't get me wrong or nothing.  
And we play PS2 every second weekend.  
Just a little healthy competition.  
But one time, he got a little crazy.  
"You really shouldn't play so hard, Nicky,"  
he says. He was crazy  
and he wouldn't shut up,  
"You really shouldn't play so aggressive."  
And then he ran into my steak knife.  
He ran into my knife TEN TIMES!

**NICK** (_singing_)  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!

**GREG** (_Spoken in Norweigen_)  
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg  
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan  
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja  
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam  
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
Do you want to take this outside?

**GREG**  
Uh-uh, nooo thankyou…

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
Sara Sidle was like my sister, and  
we both got on really well with each other, and  
with the labrat, Greggo,  
Who did our lab work for us.  
Now, he could find the DNA in anything,  
That me and Sara picked up at Crime Scenes  
One, two, three, four, five… condoms, drinking straws,  
blood drops, blood spatter, and fingernail clippings.  
So this one night after a crime-scene, we're down at the hotel Bellagio,  
the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and  
I ran out of peanuts, so I go up to the bar to get some more.  
I get the nuts, turn around, and there's Greg pouring  
pepper in my beer, and Sara laughing like it's some kind of joke.  
Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later,  
when I was washing the blood off my hands,  
that I even knew they were dead.

**NICK**  
They had it coming  
**SOPHIA**  
They had it coming  
**NICK**  
They had it coming  
**DAVID**  
They had it coming  
**NICK**  
They had it coming all along  
**ECKLIE**  
They had it coming all along  
**NICK**  
I didn't do it  
**ARCHIE**  
He didn't do it  
**NICK**  
But if I done it  
**DR ROBBINS**  
But if he done it  
**NICK**  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

**NICK** (_Spoken_)  
I loved eating donuts  
more than I can possibly say.  
I even felt guilty about shedding  
those quarter pounds... at the gym.  
But Brass, that stupid cop,  
wanted the donuts all for himself.  
He'd come in every night  
to the Break Room  
and eat them all.  
He's eat the plain,  
Cinnamon,  
Chocolate and sugar donuts.  
I guess you could say he and I got along  
alright - we only had one disagreement:  
He saw himself as alive  
and I saw him dead.

**HODGES**  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

**GIL** (_Spoken_)  
Isn't the _Periplaneta americana_ fascinating?  
**CATH** (_spoken_)  
I'm a little busy right now.  
**WARRICK** (_Spoken_)  
I win again!  
**GREG** (_Spoken_)  
FUNTAIN WATER!  
**SARA** (_Spoken_)  
Lighten up, Nick, it was just a joke!  
**BRASS** (_Spoken_)  
I'm sorry, did you want one?

**GIL**  
Solo  
**CATH**  
Dating  
**RICK**  
Games  
**GREG**  
Uh uh  
**SARA**  
Pepper  
**BRASS**  
Donuts!

**NICK  
**They think it's all a big joke… until the shooting starts!


End file.
